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Published 17:22 20 Jun 2015 BST
Updated 13:18 21 Jun 2015 BST
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Step Four - Clichés
If you want to be more than just an 'impact player' then you'll have to 'put your shoulder to the wheel' and show your 'passion for the game' by highlighting your role as 'consummate team player' every time you're on screen.
In analysing games, remember that '50-50 ball' is vital, 'midfield will be key', that your looking at 'typical modern wing forwards'. Tick all those boxes and you're the 'workhorse' that this show needs.
No need for big fancy words - sure don't we have all the words we need on Des' teleprompter.
Step Five - Chips
If you can balance two on both shoulders all the better but sometimes one is enough for you to sustain a whole career.
Pick a topic, say Ulster football/Sean Cavanagh/Mayo/Dublin/How great Kerry are, and wedge it into conversation each and every time you can.
Even if you're talking about Roscommon v London make sure to bring the conversation back to your favourite topic.
It's what the viewers want. And you're all about satisfaction.
Step Six - Unflappable hair
You may sometimes be asked to mix with the
Step Seven - Ego
"Alright lads get them out." "Out where?" "Up on the table there." "Mine won't fit, the table's too small" "Ha, that's not what I heard wha!" "Jesus Des, Darragh Maloney would never do this to Dunphy or Brady." "That's 'cos Dunphy has no medals wha" "Call the ROFL-copter."You should always be prepared to whip them out at any stage because sometimes The Sunday Game can become a bit of a ******** **** competition.

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