They’re in every county, they’re in every club.
They’re told with even more weight and conviction than an urban myth, they’re spread farther and more enthusiastically.
When you hear one of these, it is pure, unquestioned gospel and everyone in the county will follow on and accept it too.
Here are some of the classic rural myths in every county in Ireland.
1. His brother was even better but the drink found him
Yeah? You think that lad’s good? You haven’t seen his brother.
His brother was unreal, twice the footballer and twice the physique. The sauce ruined him though.
2. He would’ve been the best player in Ireland if it wasn’t for his knee
Manys a knee has destroyed manys a promising career.
But this boy was headed for undoubted stardom. He was ripping it up at underage level, winning schools cups like they were going out of fashion and walking through defences for fun. Sure even the Australians were sniffing around him and he was on the county minor team when he was only 15.
The knees let him down though.
3. Sure they never pick players from north of the county
What do you expect? All the selectors are from the south. They hate that club and your club is always screwed over when it comes to development squads.
4. One of their players was having an affair with the team mate’s partner
These stories spread like wildfire with no proof, no authority, and no caution. WhatsApp is the devil for these falsities.
17 passive aggressive messages in every GAA WhatsApp group https://t.co/StxhTLmq3F
— SportsJOE (@SportsJOEdotie) May 31, 2017
5. Why didn’t he make it at United?
You’ve seen enough soccer players in your time to know that the biggest club in the world were stupid to let this player go. Their loss.
6. He was never the same after the trials
Went to Australia in the hope of playing professional sport but the line now is that he either got notions, it ruined his confidence or he was away from the game too long to get the magic back that he had when he was 18.
He’ll probably never get it back now.
He’s 21.
7. Those townies have a yellow streak
Get into them. They don’t like it.
8. The catchment area they have is a joke
You don’t actually know what their catchment area is but they have more primary schools than you so f**k them.
9. Did you hear Sarsfields offered him 15 grand?
No source, no proof, no nothing. But you know.
That’s what they offer to pay managers, like.
10. The Dohertys never make it past 20
They’re all good minor players, sure. But the rival club aren’t worried. They’ve seen enough of these boys coming through and never cutting it at senior – or just pissing off to go on the beer instead.
That player’s good now… but come back to me in three years’ time.
11. Some of their under-12s had moustaches and one of them drove a tractor down to the game
Sure how can you compete with that?
12. He finished the bleep test
Bleep test? Completed it, mate.
WATCH: Liverpool BOTTLED the title race 🤬 | Who will win the Premier League?
