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21st Nov 2015

SporstJOE’s one-word player ratings: Real Madrid’s players are still trying to get a touch

Men vs. Boys

Darragh Murphy

What on earth has Rafa Benitez done to Real Madrid?

Benitez has traditionally been slated for being too defensive, too conservative, too hesitant to attack but all of his defensive magic dust was nowhere to be seen as Barcelona romped to victory in the Bernabeu on Saturday evening.

The men in white were made to look extraordinarily ordinary and inconceivably out of ideas by the footballing exhibition put on Barcelona.

Here’s how we viewed the players… We kept it short and sweet.

Real Madrid

Keylor Navas – Helpless

Danilo – Rattled

Sergio Ramos – Injured

Rafael Varane – Breakfast

Real Madrid CF v FC Barcelona - La Liga

Marcelo – Clearance

Luka Modric – Bossed

Toni Kroos – Anonymous

James Rodriguez – Iniesta’ed

Cristiano Ronaldo – Cranky

Real Madrid CF v FC Barcelona - La Liga

Karim Benzema – Unfit

Gareth Bale – Predictable


Carvajal (56) – Temper

Isco (59) – Inferno


Claudio Bravo – Forcefield

Dani Alves – Blithe

Gerard Piqué – Leader

Javier Mascherano – Physio

Jordi Alba – Marauding

Sergio Busquets – Engine

Sergi Roberto – Inspired

Ivan Rakitic – Quiet

Andres Iniesta – Class

Real Madrid CF v FC Barcelona - La Liga

Neymar – Mature

Luis Suarez – Rabid

Real Madrid CF v FC Barcelona - La Liga


Jeremy Mathieu (27) – Deputy

Lionel Messi (56) – GOAT

Munir El Haddadi (77) – Panicked

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