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10th May 2016

5 things Westside Hammers fans will remember about the Uptown Park Bowling Ground

Soon this place is gonna get smashed up

Soccer Guy

After a real long time, it’s time for Westside Hammers to say good bye to their real old soccer stadium.

Older than the Queen of Britain, Uptown Park Bowling Ground opens up its bleachers one last time for the game against the Manchester Unity. After that, centuries of historic soccer history will be smashed up by a bunch of wrecking ball operators and the franchise will go some place new.

But what will soccer fans of the West London based franchise remember about this place? I took a closer look.

Pablo Di Canio’s real nice no-bouncer

Way back in the 2000s, the referee hatin’ Italian soccer player scored one of the awesomest goalshot in EPL League history, kicking in a soccer ball real nice against tennis-named franchise Wimbledon.

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Pablo became the Hammer’s MVP over the years before getting bored and going to the Charleston Athletes when he was real old.

Jonathan Spector

Of all the guys that have laced up their cleats and done soccer at the Uptown Park Bowling Ground down the years, most Westside Hammers fans will agree that one guy was way better than the rest.

USA v Brazil - FIFA Confederations Cup Final

Making Pablo Di Canio and the rest of the guys look like a bunch of dumbass fat kids that can’t even make it through gym class without getting real sick, former USMNT star Spector was a hero of the guys down at the Tool Shack.

The Chicken Shack

The bleachers in the east side of the stadium were once known as the Chicken Shack, named after the humongous fried chicken restaurant that fans could go get some food from if they got the munchies during the game.

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England Soccer Club won the World Cup

Back in the summer of ’69, a Three Lines side made entirely of Westside Hammers soccer players became World Cup world champions of the world, beating Doucheland 4-2 at the Uptown Park Bowling Ground.

As a result, a statue of some of the guys that played soccer that day still stands outside the stadium.

Bryan Robson

Michael Jackson’s statue

Although the Prince of Pop was more bothered about climbing trees and stuff than he was about soccer, a statue of him once famously stood outside the Uptown Park Bowling Ground.

Fulham v Blackpool - Premier League

To be honest, nobody knows why. Maybe it had something to do with that song the Westside Hammers fans sing about MJ’s pet monkey.

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