This is our year.
If they sort that out.
Ah, for God’s sake, what a waste of a year.
Spring football is a beautiful thing. It gives us something to do again. It makes us forget how agonising supporting a team really is. And it makes you feel that anything is genuinely possible.
Players even feel fresh and full of hope but, of course, come the championship, that all quickly changes. Here are 14 overly optimistic things you’ll hear all around the country during the Allianz Leagues and how those viewpoints will begin to fade away.
1. Jesus, your man’s fast
Summer translation: Jesus, your man hasn’t got an ounce of skill in him.
2. The management aren’t taking any sh*t this year
Summer translation: The management are a bunch of a**eholes. Control freaks.
3. You can see they’ve been hitting the weights over winter
Summer translation: There’s not enough bloody football being played anymore. They’re more worried about squatting than they are about kicking a ball.
4. The new conditioning coach has brought in that new warm-up
Summer translation: Would you look at the state of that nonsense. Just play the bloody game.
5. The psychologist has them entering the pitch like that
Summer translation: Mumbo jumbo.
6. Jimmy will struggle to get back into the team at this rate
Summer translation: For God’s sake, when’s Jimmy back?
7. If we can push Kerry, we can go all the way
Summer translation: We’re not playing league football anymore.
8. He’s the free-taker we’ve been crying out for
Summer translation: He’s useless. All he can do is hit free kicks.
9. No-one could touch him in the club championship
Summer translation: This isn’t club championship now, son.
10. That’s the boy who’s just back from Australia
Summer translation: He should’ve stayed in Australia.
11. Sure you know he was nearly picked up by the Sydney Swans when he was 14
Summer translation: The drink must’ve gotten to that man. What sort of shape is he in now?
12. Did you read the chairman’s three-year plan in the programme?
Summer translation: There’s that gobsh*te talking rubbish again.
13. As long as he’s ready for the summer
Summer translation: He’s only an ol’ fairy.
14. We’ll not worry about relegation at this stage of the year
Summer translation: That manager needs to go.
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