Screw you international break, we’ve got West Brom v Sunderland to deal with.
The fortnight break from club football has been a chore but a memorable one. Some Long fella scored a goal or won an award or something which was nice but the Euro 2016 qualifiers and South American qualifiers for the 2018 World Cup have made this week’s fantasy football selection a right ol’ bitch.
There’s no Sergio Aguero, there’s no David Silva and there’s no Branislav Ivanovic but that one’s a blessing in disguise. Actually, no disguise. That’s just a blessing.
We’ve had to play Claudio Ranieri and have a proper tinker at our team selection for Gameweek 9 and this is the sage advice that we’ve come up with.
Three players to sign
Your fantasy football team is about to get a whole lot more handsome.
Graziano Pelle has got it all – power, pace, hair to die for. He’s the full package and he’s actually the top points-scoring forward in the league this season so is the perfect replacement for the crocked Sergio Aguero.
Leicester haven’t kept a clean sheet since the opening day of the season and that was against Sunderland who don’t technically count as a football team so there are definitely goals on the cards for Saints.
Pelle will be in confident form after scoring a tremendous late winner for Italy against Norway and can carry that momentum into Saturday afternoon.
Manchester City have lost two of their best players to international duty but they’re still going to absolutely batter a Bournemouth side who are somehow getting more unlucky with injuries.
Callum Wilson – out, Max Gradel – out, Tyrone Mings – out, Tom Elphick – out, Artur Boruc – unpredictable.
City should easily see off a lightweight Cherries side and Kevin de Bruyne has proven that Jose Mourinho was mad to let him go.
He’s scored in three of his four Premier League appearances since signing from Wolfsburg and scored two beautiful free kicks for Belgium in the break so there’s probably no player in better form than De Bruyne in the Premier League.
He’s a top candidate for captaincy this gameweek, mark our words!
Just a tad less glamorous than Pelle and De Bruyne is West Brom’s no-nonsense defender Craig Dawson.
West Brom v Sunderland isn’t exactly El Clasico and the Baggies haven’t looked their assured self at the back this season but Tony Pulis will have enjoyed the two week break as he got the chance to work closely with players not on international duty, one of whom was Dawson, West Brom’s top points-scoring defender.
We expect a rigid defensive display at the Hawthorns on Saturday and if Pulis can’t get a clean sheet out his boys against Sunderland then he should hang up his baseball cap for good.
0-0 written all over it and some ridiculous post-match Allardyce quotes inevitable.
Three players to sell
We’ve done it. We’ve bitten the bullet.
Memphis Depay’s stock is dropping quicker than Ashley Young in a 50/50 challenge and the time has come to put him on the backburner.
We’re sure that he’ll come good… The same way we were sure that Angel di Maria and Radamel Falcao would come good so don’t trust our judgement for more than a second.
But Depay’s just not doing it for Louis van Gaal and it wouldn’t surprise us if he was actually dropped for the trip to Goodison Park this weekend.
If he starts, he’ll be up against one of the best right backs in the league in Seamus Coleman and if Depay couldn’t get the better of Daryl Janmaat or Alan Hutton then we wouldn’t hold out much hope of him dominating under the watchful eye of Seamie.
The man whose name we begin to pronounce with confidence before trailing off like every European campaign launched by Spurs.
To be fair, Alderweireld is a sensational defender but we’re not too sure we trust him against Jurgen Klopp’s Gegenpress in the German’s first game as Liverpool boss.
Spurs also have a pretty piss-poor record against the Reds in recent years. Out of the last five meetings, Liverpool have won all five and scored an insane 19 goals.
We can’t see Saturday’s early kick off turning into a goalfest but a Spurs clean sheet is about as likely as Daniel Sturridge keeping fit for a month.
Goals will be conceded and you’re better off without Alderweireld this weekend.
Who is this man and what has he done with Nemanja Matic?
We could be polite and describe Nemanja Matic’s form this season as a “fall from grace” but, in reality, he’s simply been a shit-heap.
Chelsea’s success last season was based on the unbreakable spine of Matic and midfield partner Cesc Fabregas.
It’s never a good sign for a football club when the players don’t want to play for the manager, when the manager doesn’t seem to give a damn either way and when the midfield is as strong as Diego Costa’s candidacy for “sound man of the year.”
Just like Depay above, Matic could well find himself dropped when the champions host Villa but even if he starts, we can’t see any benefit of having him in our team.
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