Desperate football coach makes plea for the sperm of Cristiano Ronaldo and Zlatan Ibrahimovic

Like many football managers, Ole Vidar Toftesund has dreams of taking his team to the very top.

However, by his own admission, the current crop of players at his disposal for Nordstranda - a fifth division Norwegian club - aren't going to be reaching the Champions League any time soon. An ageing squad with several 'big and fat' players surely can't stand up to the Barcelonas and Bayern Munichs of this world. Fortunately for those that hold Nordstranda close to their hearts, Toftesund has given this some thought and formulated a long-term plan to make his team one of the finest in the game. The idea is simple (although absolutely batshit crazy): harvest the sperm of some of the world's finest players and impregnate the girlfriends of his current players. Skip forward a couple of decades and, providing the right genes have been passed on, Toftesund will be taking charge of an exciting crop of talented young football players. Genius. Toftesund explains his bold plan in a special Facebook video, making special pleas for the sperm of Paul Gascoigne, Cristiano Ronaldo and Zlatan Ibrahimovic. As clever a plan as this may be, something tells us this may not be all that serious.