Eight things every GAA club goes through in the provincial championships

With the change of time comes a change of focus for GAA clubs across the country.

If you are lucky enough to be still training in November, it either means one of two things.

You’ve been absolutely shafted by the county secretary, and his archaic way of fixing games, or you’ve tasted county glory and ended up drinking in some lad’s auntie’s house at 5am on the Tuesday before you get ready to set foot in a provincial championship.

Winning a county title is a journey that club players can dream about, but testing yourself against someone other than that dirty corner-back you’ve been facing for the last three years is the pinnacle.

Reaching the AIB club provincial series is a massive achievement for any club. To recognise that, we’ve put together some of the more common feelings for players and supporters as they begin their quest into the unknown.

1. The manager/players tell everyone that the club are in ‘bonus territory’.

The lies begin early the week of a provincial game. The club manager is rung up by his local radio station, where he’s been selling lies all year, and promptly begins to tell the county that they have picked up a few alcohol related injuries and that their real focus was on the county championship all along.

Everything after winning a county title is a bonus and the lads are treating it that way.

Happy Halloween to one and all and good luck to @Cargin_Gac tomorrow #BonusTerritory #EOC pic.twitter.com/efB7qs9bi1

— Eamonn McAuley (@Screambeam) October 31, 2015

2. Organising the bus will determine your enjoyment of the occasion

If you are travelling to a different county for a provincial club game, the most important thing is getting on the right bus.

Inevitably, there is a ‘good’ bus, where the craic, cans and other ‘match suitable’ paraphernalia will be handed out.

Unfortunately, the other bus is usually stuffed with the families of the various players, where you are guaranteed to be stuck beside the auld lad from the parish, who, despite 16 attempts, fails to fold his Sunday Independent preview properly to read it in the Ryanair-esque cramped space in between the seats.

Your choice of bus will determine how vocal, or inebriated, you may be when you rock up to some local ground on the side of a hill in north Mayo.

Oh, and same seats on the way back too.

Supporters bus to Kilmallock on Sunday week for the Munster semi final? Let us know if there is numbers to travel #TonesOnTour

— Wolfe Tones na Sionna GAA (@wtnsgaa) October 30, 2015

3. The pre- or post-match meal is almost more important as the game

If you’re in ‘bonus territory’ then one of the major bonuses is a big meal before the game, or a grand dinner for you afterwards.

And you are guaranteed that some lad is going to try and sneak an extra meal voucher out of the secretary as he looks forward to stocking up on a good carvery outside of Thurles.

A bus trip and some food also means that the centre-forward gets to explain to everyone why the ideal preparation for a Munster club semi-final is watching the first two Die Hard films back to back.

4 The finest sandwich makers this side of the Shannon are put on show

If you are hosting a team, the text alert goes out early in the week of the game to make sure to order an extra sliced pan and pound of ham for the weekend.

The club secretary swears that his side won’t be let down like the time they travelled to the crowd over the border and barely got a cup of water, or barely a cup.

Having a team visit the club grounds from outside the county is almost like having your relatives from England over. You get the good stuff out and you all make awkward small talk before you tear into sandwiches stuffed with coleslaw and potato salad.

And the big teapot is brought out.

But you’re careful not to go overboard like you would for your American relatives. Like buying the Black Forest gateaux. That’s saved for a provincial final, or when TG4 turn up with a camera.

A huge thank you to @ConvoyGAA for their generous hospitality,we could not have been made more welcome here, the epitomy of what the GAA is!

— CLG An Tearmainn (@CLGAnTearmainn) October 31, 2015

5. Covert operations to get information on the opposition

It’s 2015, so you could just use Google, but sure who trusts anything they read on the internet anyway?

What good does a tweet do when you want to know which leg their 41-year-old corner-forward once almost lost in a tree-cutting accident when he was 39 and might warrant some ‘special attention’ on Sunday?

However, thanks to emigration and the government’s failed plan at decentralization, you do thankfully have an insider in the parish next to your opponents who can smuggle back the information from the local newspaper and their preview of the game.

But you have to be aware that they are doing the exact same thing in your neck of the woods. War is local and, in the club championships, honesty is the first casualty.

6. Bandwagon time 

So you’ve won a county title and now, in a parish of just over 75 people and 12 families, your training is more like Nowlan Park in the weeks before the ‘Drive for Five’ as ‘fans’ emerge from every boghole around for 20 miles.

Lads that didn’t even know the club was still in existence are turning up down the field talking about ‘the match’ and the chances of winning on Sunday.

They were in the pub the night the cup came home and were the first to lob some old tyres into the bonfire on the Sunday night, but don’t ask them to name any players or who they beat in any game for the last five years.

They never have any cash for the church collection on the way to mass either.

7. The Fundraiser

Being in the provincial club series isn’t cheap, and even if it was the club treasurer wouldn’t let on.

Lads swapping jerseys have no idea how much a set of togs costs. It’s easy for them when they don’t have to cough out for new set after the wife put them in with the darks and ruined the lot of them.

Those meal vouchers need to be paid for and the best way to do it is to draw on community spirit to get a few extra bob.

And sure if a few euro goes towards the future, isn’t that only being fiscally prudent?

https://twitter.com/GlenRovers_/status/656546297919442944

8. Club shop

The recession is over and you know that by the fact that the club shop has never been as busy.

Even Mr Bandwagon has dropped by to pick up a flag for the jeep to show his colours at the mart.

Hoodies, cups, bottles, baubles, mugs, hats, animals and pretty much anything at all you can fire a club crest onto is on sale.

Face paint – that may or may not be toxic – is also available for half-nothing as the club goes all out to show its support for the local heroes.

Driving through Ireland you’ll always know a club has been in a provincial club encounter as there is bunting still hanging off the top of the wall at the back pitch in December, two months after their Ulster junior club championship exit.