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GAA

17th Jan 2016

Dublin supporters lead calls to split Longford in two

Conan Doherty

It’s been another busy week in the GAA.

Dublin supporters lead calls to split Longford in two

It was an impossible task but they went down fighting against Longford. It was admirable. It was inspirational.

However, despite a spirited performance that saw Dublin leave Pearse Park with their heads held high, the capital’s fans were less than enthused.

Jim Gavin’s men lost by just six points in the O’Byrne Cup semi-final and, whilst the Dubs faithful hung around afterwards to applaud their players on a mammoth effort to restore pride in the county, the sky blue support traipsed back to the city fearful of what is to come in future.

Philly Ryan with Fergal Battrim 17/1/2016

“Do you know what I mean?” one supporter said. “We just can’t cope with their resources or their spending power, you know? Jaysus, they’re basically a professional outfit and God knows how many more players they have ready to step in.

“They’re working with a bleedin’ population of over 39,000 people. It’s about time the county was split in two. Otherwise, what’s the point for the rest of us?”

When asked to respond, a source in the Longford camp simply stated: “Your arse wouldn’t talk as much sh*t. Bunch of ghomes.”

GAA paranoia plunges to new depths: Kerry resort to underground training

After chasing a Donegal man named Zacchaeus from a tree at their training grounds in the build-up to the 2014 All-Ireland final, Kerry boss Éamonn Fitzmaurice is not prepared to take any more risks.

The Kingdom lost last year’s decider by three points to Dublin and the suspicion is that there was a leak to the enemy camp.

The county squad had since taken to training on a remote island off the south west coast but county board officials were told that a number of camera crews were spotted in the vicinity.

As a result, a new underground facility has been built to host the players for the remainder of the the GAA season and, if necessary, squad members can stay throughout October to December.

No-one was found for comment at the time of reporting.

Club GAA apathy on the rise, no-one cares

A new proposal has been put in place to ban all club activity until October. With 12 weeks before the McKenna Cup begins, officials have stated that they “see no reason that league and championship can’t be played off before the new year.”

When asked to comment, all registered club players were in Australia at the time.

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New proposal set to solve player burnout and fixture crisis

Mild concerns have been raised that a Galway teenager is playing for too many teams at once.

The dual star is currently playing county football and hurling with the Tribesmen’s minor and under-21 teams as well as representing his club’s two senior and under-18 sides on top of the two school grades he’s playing for in both codes.

Of the fears that 12 teams could potentially lead to player burnout, his father responded: “mumbo jumbo.”

Nonetheless, a new motion will be put forward at Congress next month to help tackle allegations that young players are being asked to do too much and it is said that it could solve the cramped fixture list in its current state.

Under motion 82 A II, delegates will argue the case to the GAA for: ‘Adding more days to the calendar year.’

“365 just isn’t enough”, a source said.

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