They’re in every club, the moaners. Well, we probably all are the moaners, in fairness – ah, for God’s sake, we definitely are.
But what would you do without your club?
Granted, yes, you’d probably complain less, you’d have more free time, you’d have less headaches, and you wouldn’t have months on end of waiting around for a game that may or may not happen. You’d probably have a better life, in truth. But, really though, what would you do without your club?
Anyone who’s ever attended even a second of a committee meeting will know the craic. Basically, it’s just used as a punching bag for people to let out all their gripes. These guys do tremendous work and, honestly, the club would be nowhere without them but a committee meeting… Christ, they can drag on.
Here are the characters you’ll find moaning during those three-hour slogs – if you’re lucky enough to get out in that time.
1. The coach pleading for more footballs
They have to share with the minors, they have to use the Gaelic Gear ones instead of the proper O’Neill’s jobs or they’ve stolen the size four balls just to fill out the drills. When it comes down to it as he’ll remind you, you are a football club – get bloody balls in.
They’re expensive things though, Tony.
Be a bit more resourceful at the next away match you go to.
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2. The registrar threatening to throw boys out of the club
Damien hasn’t paid up his membership yet and the registrar is getting bloody sick of it.
The deadline was December. Then it was March. Then it was absolutely, definitely May but still no word of Damien’s form or money. The registrar doesn’t care if Damien is the best player, he will cross him off the list and report the club if they play him.
That’s not going to happen. Damien does what he wants.
This man knows the craic.
3. The groundsman who wants to close the pitch
Yes, it’s April but have you seen the state of the pitch?
There are too many people training on it without running it by the groundsman and he has a list of them now that you’re going to sit through.
Boys won’t stay out of the feckin’ goalmouths either no matter how many times you tell them to clear off. Why do they need to train around the goals? Why does the ‘keeper need to trample all over them?
4. The groundsman who wants to throw sand all over the pitch
August is the best time to do it.
5. The treasurer, the only one trying to talk in logic
You’re 100 grand in debt and no-one will listen.
The treasurer just wants the money back for that bus the under-14s hired on Tuesday and the training camp the seniors went on. The treasurer just wants to know why Cathal has run up a physio bill of near a grand when he hasn’t played for the club in two years.
People aren’t here to give answers or solutions. The treasurer is just a distraction from the moaning.
The treasurer will be given lip service. Not a lot of money though.
6. The ladies coach versus the men’s coach
Both teams want to be treated equally but, in reality, both teams want to be treated better than the other.
They got polo shirts and we didn’t.
We need the pitch on Sunday.
Why do they get the gym all the time?
These issues will probably come to a head at the dinner dance if one team is successful and the other isn’t – or just in general passive aggressive Facebook posts.
7. The ol’ lad who hates fancy Dans
Usually found up along the sideline roaring with pure rage at the mere idea that someone might not bend their bloody backs.
Nobody really knows what he does for the club but he’s there, home and away, training and dinner dances, he’s there and he’s usually whinging. Now he’s in the committee meeting talking about players who have long since retired but they were proper footballers. Proper men.
We don’t really know the point but we’ll nod and agree.
8. The one who wants to organise a fundraiser
*Heads drop*
9. The senior captain there to tell them that the players want rid of the manager
That’s not really an issue the committee want to deal with.
Just get on with it. Tell us more about this sand-based pitch.
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