Good, old GAA, eh?
Maybe it’s coy, maybe it’s strategic or just tradition. Maybe it’s because we just don’t know what else to say.
But GAA at this time of year is riddled with the same old sayings to ease us back into the new season and, whilst they’re mostly just nonsense silence-fillers, we all know exactly what they really mean.
Here’s a list of our favourite.
1. He’s had a good Christmas
What it really means: Look at the size of that arse.
2. We’re going to be doing fitness tests to see where we’re all at
What it really means: I know where you’re all at, it’s January/February (erase depending how lazy your team is). I just couldn’t be bothered to start real training so soon.
3. Can’t wait for the season to start
What it really means: I forgot how much I hate this sh*t.
4. January football
What it really means: This is absolutely brutal.
5. Soft ground
What it really means: Why did the groundsman have the pitch closed for the last five months if it ends up in that state anyway?
6. Experimental line-up
What it really means: I haven’t a clue who half of these players are.
7. Dust off the cobwebs
What it really means: The cobwebs will be dusted off.
8. There’s some bad petrol inside them boys
What it really means: They spent every night of Christmas wrote off.
9. If you don’t train, you won’t play
What it really means: Unless you’re good.
10. Moving through the gears
What it really means: We know we said we wanted 100 mph before the game but this sounds good now.
11. You could get away with that at this time of year
What it really means: That was probably the worst challenge I have ever seen.
12. He prefers the hard ground
What it really means: He’s a pussy.
13. This game should never have gone ahead, somebody is going to get hurt
What it really means: We’re getting absolutely hammered.
14. We’re leaving no stone unturned this year
What it really means: We’re doing yoga and we’re going to take stats for the first game. Then we’ll probably just make it up as we go.
15. It’s more about the performance than the result at this time of the year
What it really means: It’s too early to sack/drop me.
16. It’s a chance for boys to stick up a hand
What it really means: We won’t ever see these players again.
17. I don’t see many boys in that changing room with an inter-county medal
What it really means: I’m going to pretend like this is a proper achievement that I’ll talk about when I’m 80.
18. Every time they stick on that county jersey, they’re going out to win
What it really means: We are going to destroy Waterford IT.
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