The GAA is nearly a stage performance at this stage.
This is how you behave, this is how you walk, this is what you say and, no matter what, if you want to be a real man you don’t go near “that soccer rubbish”.
“Sure ye couldn’t f**king watch it.”
There are other ways to be a real man too. Here’s some of our favourite.
1. Absolutely leg it onto the field
You’re ready for this match and a full-pelt sprint out of the tunnel will prove just that – especially to the crowd who you think care.
2. Get off the pitch first at half time
Even if you’re seven points down, whoever gets into the tunnel first at half time is obviously up for it more.
3. Spit on your own hands
For grip, right?
4. Blow blood out of your nose
A busted nose is a real man’s dream. As blood streams out of you, place your index finger to close one nostril and blow out of the other to maximise the flow and effect of blood that you just don’t have any time for. If it persists, sprint off to the sideline and tell the physio to hurry the hell up and sort it. You don’t want to be off the field but the ref has made you.
5. Fist pump
When you win a free, you know the drill.
6. Stay on the sidelines with the coach when you’re brought off
You’re not usually a sub, you see. Make sure everyone knows that. Develop a limp on the way off to demonstrate why you were taken off. Stand along the line and roar at your team mates.
7. Literally roll your sleeves up
Player-fit jerseys aren’t doing your biceps any justice so a little roll of the sleeve wouldn’t harm anyone.
8. Wear tape on your wrists
You look cool.
9. Wear a vest at training
You know it’s summer when *insert name here* is wearing a vest.
10. Stay in the dressing room the longest
You’ll go out when you’re ready.
11. Wipe blood on your rig
Hard luck if you don’t wear any light colours.
12. Do your stretches
Usually an over-enthusiastic Junior B player telling boys to be quiet during the cool down so they can focus on their “f**king stretches”.
13. Ask someone to hit you again
I took an elbow in the jaw one day before a league game and thought I’d be a hard man if I showed it didn’t bother me. “Do that again, like a good lad.” Without hesitation, another elbow came back and hit me flush in the jaw. I didn’t ask again.
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