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Football

25th Dec 2016

Mark Noble could not look more fed up in West Ham’s Christmas message if he tried

We're sure he's happy inside

Nooruddean Choudry

Granted, it has not been a vintage season.

West Ham United are currently flailing in 13th place in the Premier League table, just five points above the relegation zone. Manager Slaven Bilic remains a popular figure at the club, but the locals are far from impressed with the current situation.

Things certainly aren’t helped by a move of ground from the much-loved Boleyn to the rather imaginatively named London Stadium. The latter is seen as sterile, soulless and depressingly vast. And perhaps worst of all they sell popcorn on matchday.

Still, the least Hammers everywhere deserve is some festive cheer, right? Christmas is such a joyous occasion that even West Ham couldn’t bring you down on such a magical day, surely? Well, we’ll let you judge for yourself with this ‘festive’ effort.

Club captain Mark Noble looks like he is wishing you the best of the season with a gun held to his head just off camera. It’s as if someone has just pissed on his mince pies and shat on his Crimbo turkey. Ho, ho, fucking ho…