Transfer talk: With his future in doubt Louis Van Gaal is restricted to teenage kicks

It's little wonder Louis van Gaal is ready to pack it all in and enjoy his retirement.

If the Manchester United boss is not suffering rumours his bosses have met with the world's dreamiest football manager he is reading, in today's Mirror, that his company credit card has been chopped in half by the aforementioned bosses who don't trust him to spend any of their lucre. This might explain why the club have gone off Lazio attacker Felipe Anderson, according to BuzzFeed. Thank god for the old loan system then, as the Express are reporting that United have borrowed 15-year-old goalkeeper Bartosz Mrozek from Polish side Lech Poznan. That's David De Gea's replacement sorted so, should Real Madrid manage to have their slightly more formal transfer ban over-turned in time to swoop for their preferred custodian. The Spanish giants being hamstrung by that FIFA ban has not stopped the Mirror reporting Tottenham having first dibs on their €100m cash cow Gareth Bale. It's nice to see a complete shutdown of transfer dealings for two complete windows has not taken Zinedine Zidane's splurgirific galactico farm away from the nexus of European football's realm of high-financial nonsense. Speaking of high-financial nonsense, the news coming out of south London is quite worrying. Fair enough Crystal Palace have not won a Premier League match since 19 December, but are they really so desperate that they need to consider a move for high-end, couture bench warmer and serial fan favourite Emmanuel Adebayor? The Guardian are reporting that Alan Pardew is looking at signing the Togolese handful on a six-month deal. A Free agent, the 31-year-old headache is still being paid £100,000 a week by Spurs. In case anyone was wondering where that secret Bale money was going.