PICS: If you don’t want to feel worse about your life, don’t look at Wilfried Zaha’s new mansion

Who ever invented the term 'how the other half live'?

Because if half the world are living like this, we need to get some new friends. Wilfried Zaha has just bought a new seven-bedroom London mansion and it's damn right beautiful. The Crystal Palace attacker has shelled out £2.5m to move into former club owner Ron Noades' house which featured in Footballers' Wives - that TV show where everyone just ran around jumping into bed with everyone else's other halves. Water slide, cinema room, all the stuff you don't really need in a house but, God, you'd take it if you were given half a chance. Check out the pictures from Surrey Homes/RightMove. Looks alright from the outside. Every sofa should be a bed as well. Every bath tub should require a stepladder entry. Every house pool should have a water slide. Decent enough kitchen. Every kitchen should have an extra kitchen looking into a pool. And sure what would a fireplace be if it wasn't bigger than you? It's nice to see how the other 0.0000001 per cent live.