Louis van Gaal adds the brilliant new phrase ‘twitching our ass’ to the football lexicon

This is what playing 4-4-2 does to the Dutchman on the bench

It is now 12 years since Alex Ferguson referred to the closing stages of the Premier League campaign as 'squeaky bum time'. Ever since it has been the go-to phrase to describe tense, nervous moments for managers and fans alike. If Fergie had copyrighted the phrase, he'd be a billionaire by now. Anyway, it seems we finally have a succesor to the phrase that we dearly hope catches on. Yesterday, the man trying to fill the Scot's very large shoes at Old Trafford dropped an instant classic into his press conference. Discussing the fact that at times he has had to change from his beloved 3-5-2 formation to the more standard 4-4-2, the Dutchman said that the switch left him and the bench 'twitching our ass' on the bench. "I know all the stats. I read the stats. I know that we have won more with 4-4-2 in a diamond. But when you analyse the game then we have twitched our ass on the bench. "I said to my players I was squeezing my ass but it was the wrong expression, I have twitched my ass on the bench because we were out of balance." We'd love to have seen the look on Wayne Rooney's face when he first mentioned it.