Jermain Defoe’s advert for a new personal assistant is the best thing you’ll read all day

Where do we sign up?

Are you a go-getter? Discreet? Willing to be on call 24/7? Able to effectively multi-task? Then perhaps the current opening for a Personal Assistant at Defoe Enterprise is for you. Working for Sunderland footballer Jermain Defoe, 'a high profile individual within the sports industry', you will have the opportunity responsibility to effectively manage all aspects of the striker's life, which has so much going on we wonder if maybe he shouldn't just spend a bit more time focusing on his primary objective, keeping Sunderland in the Premier League. Here's a taste of what is required from the successfull applicant: Admin: Secretarial: General dogsbody work: Getting the sandwiches: So far, so personal assistant-y. But there's more... Property Management: Security: Research: Events management: Fashion consultant: Client relations: Marketing: Software development: And, with your spare time: The advert is posted below in all its glory and is well worth a full perusal, and if by some chance you do wish to apply, the job is posted at SecsInTheCity.