Anyone who calls me corrupt should go to jail: the gospel according to Sepp Blatter

Sepp Blatter: philosopher, leader, legend.

The Fifa president has hit out at allegations linking him to the organisation's recent corruption in the most Sepp Blatter way possible. He has denied that his nose was ever anything other than clean and he has even been speaking about his place in heaven. And it's not on a cruise ship paid for with tax-free bribes. Speaking in the German press, Blatter has gone all quotable on us again. "Anybody who calls me corrupt because Fifa is corrupt, I can only shake my head," he said. "Everybody who says something like that should go to jail." Okay... Then, straight off the back of that extraordinary statement, he goes on to talk about how spiritual he is. But, of course, he took on the Pope as well. "My faith has given me strength during the last week. I am a religious person and pray, too. I own a golden cross that has been blessed by Pope Francis," he said. "I believe I will go to heaven one day. But I believe there is no hell. I disagree with the Pope on that." We can all hope.   The Commandments according to Sepp: I am your president You shall not take my name in vein Remember to keep holy the World Cup summer Honour your president and committee You shall not kill Qatar's influence You shall not commit adultery (fair enough) You shall not steal (and get caught) You shall not bear false witness against me You shall not covet your neighbour's wife but more importantly... You shall not covet your neighbour's goods (especially if he's worked hard to acquire them in whatever way)