What shellshocked FIFA said today and what they REALLY MEANT*

Walter earned his wages.

The worst Monday on a Wednesday of all time for FIFA. Football's governing body is trying to put fires out all over the place today, after several officials were arrested as part of an investigation into some World Cup 2018 and 2022 dealings that appear shadier than a spot under the shadiest tree. Nearby to where this morning's raids and arrests took place, the man put forward to deliver FIFA's spin on grim events was its head of communications, Walter De Gregorio https://twitter.com/martynziegler/status/603486314168786944 De Gregorio initially spoke German to the assembled press but Sky Sports' Bryan Swanson quickly made him flick the switch to the Queen's English. Here are the best bits... WdG: 'FIFA welcomes this process and co-operates closely with the Attorney General of Switzerland and the federal office of justice'.

What he actually means - 'We're f**ked' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9COloTMLeA

'Of course, [FIFA] Congress will take place. One thing has nothing whatsoever to do with the other.'

'If you put dots in front of me there is no way that I can join them.' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qw9oX-kZ_9k

'FIFA are suffering in these circumstances. It is a difficult moment for us.'

'I had to wipe my tears this morning with €500 notes'

'The World Cups will be played in Russia and Qatar.'

'Did you not get the memo? Business as usual. Nothing to see here. Now move along.

'Russia and Qatar will be played, this is fact today. I can't go into speculation about what will happen tomorrow."

'Ummm... We think they will be played. We are hoping you'll all bog off home after Sepp gets elected again on Friday.'

'This for Fifa is good. It is not good in terms of image or reputation, but in terms of cleaning up, this is good… It is not a nice day, but it is also a good day. The process goes on and we are looking forward.'

'The money was only resting in their accounts' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUeYJKoE3yc

'(Sepp Blatter) is focused on the congress. Let’s put it like this. The stress factor is higher today than yesterday but he is relaxed. He is not involved. All the rest, he’ll accept what will happen.' 'Well he is not dancing in his office. He is very calm, he is fully co-operative with everything. That’s what I meant. He’s not a happy man, saying wow wow.'

#FIFA on Sepp Blatter's reaction: 'He’s quite relaxed. But he is not dancing...' pic.twitter.com/hvPGObFZDl — Melissa Reddy (@MelissaReddy_) May 27, 2015