Mignolet: Yes or no?
Lovren: His fault or someone else’s?
Sturridge: Injured or not?
Benteke: Please God, no.
Jurgen Klopp v Borussia Dortmund is magical enough never mind the fact he’s storming back into his old homeland at the head of a passionate and loyal Liverpool support.
The Europa League quarter final clash is another clinker tie for the Merseyside outfit who have already overcome Manchester United in the competition but now they’re facing the second most fearsome side in Germany – who absolutely dismantled the second most fearsome side in England, on merit.
Having missed out on the League Cup in the final on penalties, the Kopp have thrown themselves into this tournament headfirst and the Klopp wants some glory with his new club. So expect phones to be buzzing on Thursday night.
1. Thursday night, Channel 5
Fever pitch. For Liverpool fans anyway. United fans are pretending like they don’t care. They’re above the Europa League. Is there even a Channel 5 anymore?
2. The Lucas question
Is he good or not? No-one seems to know. We know that he sits deep. We don’t know if that’s good. But we know Liverpool will need that against Dortmund. But we don’t know if it’s Lucas they need.
3. The Lovren question*
*Exclamation
If you’re not allowed to poke fun at Lovren because your own team is sh*t, go Mickey Mouse.
4. Firmino is doing ‘sick’ things and Klopp is clapping – cue mayhem
If the internet was ever going to break, this is the moment.
Videos with ‘stop that’ written alongside them are circulating. People are gradually becoming confused if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Just like Lovren.
5. Will you win a league with Mignolet?
Progresses to: “great shot-stopper but…”
6. Klopp goes up, Sturridge goes down
It’s the way Klopp does things.
Sturridge has given a good shift but he deserves a breather. So a stretcher and an oxygen mask help him off.
The pressing game is a work in progress.
7. It’s a tense moment as Klopp looks to the subs’ bench
Origi, Allen, Benteke, it could be any of them but, most importantly, it could be Benteke.
8. Everyone’s fed up with this United nonsense now
It wasn’t even funny the first time – certainly not worth the crying with laughter emoji.
9. The little genius has us salivating again
Words like maestro, worldie, baller are rolling out.
Hard to even enjoy that though when you’re Liverpool of late because all Coutinho is doing is attracting the vultures. Stop that.
10. Baz is still pushing for pints
Is he even out with anyone?
11. Klopp is stealing our hearts until Mignolet steals our patience
Klopp won’t abide by the once unwritten ‘don’t celebrate at your old club’ rule. Mignolet won’t abide by the ‘don’t cock up’ rule.
12. Benteke
Enough said.
13. Time to look at the transfer rumours
The more rare and unknown, the better. Unless they’re actually good.
Now would be a good time to pick your team for next year. Don’t be afraid to put players you don’t know straight in. Revisit the Lovren, Lucas and Mignolet questions.
And remember: If we get Sturridge back…
14. One last push for Baz
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