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21st Jan 2015

Leeds owner cooked team’s pre-match meal but what would Premier League clubs have prepared?

10 dishes we think would be made in the top flight

Conan Doherty

Who’d have guessed that Italians like cooking pasta?

Massimo Cellino whipped up a national dish for his struggling Leeds United team yesterday, who returned the favour by going out and beating table-toppers Bournemouth.

It just so happens that the meal of his homeland is a recognised pre-match fuel but, whatever the Leeds owner slipped into the recipe, it paid off as the side went on to end a run of eight games without a victory.

United head coach, Neil Redfearn, said on BBC Radio, “his new role might be club chef.” Probably not the best idea to absolve yourself of any credit for the win when you’re working under an owner who likes to chop managers more than he does celery.

But we’ve been wondering what other team’s owners and bosses would have prepared for their respective sides if they took a leaf out of Cellino’s book and got busy in the kitchen.

Cook: Arsene Wenger
Dish: Soupe à L’oignon
Looks great but it won’t fill you up. There’s no end product with soup.

Aston Villa
Cook: Randy Lerner
Dish: Macaroni and cheese
The cheapest an American dollar can buy.

Cook: Roman Abramovich
Dish: All-you-can-eat everything
Whatever you need, it’s there. Just ask.

Cook: Brendan Rodgers
Dish: Deconstructed oyster with sumptuous essence of harvested mushroom
That’s how to bulls**t your way through a menu, right there.

Manchester City
Cook: Manuel Pellegrini
Dish: Piri piri chicken
For a ‘We miss Yaya dinner’ special.

Manchester United
Cook: Louis van Gaal
Dish: Fried eggs and mayonnaise atop a sirloin steak
People might tell you it doesn’t work but do what you want, Louis.

Newcastle United
Cook: Mike Ashley
Dish: Pork scratchings
Anything to wash down with a pint. ‘What? I own a football team?’

Queen’s Park Rangers
Cook: Harry Redknapp
Dish: Curry chip
Don’t even think about messing the car. Enjoy this hanging out the window.

Tottenham Hotspur
Cook: Daniel Levy
Dish: Crab cakes
You hear they’re supposed to be special but ultimately they just let you down.

West Bromwich Albion
Cook: Tony Pulis
Dish: Baby potatoes, cod fish, peas
You get what you pay for with this straight-down-the-middle dish.

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