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18th Nov 2014

The nonsense machine known as Eamon Dunphy continued to produce against U.S.A.

11 times that Eamon Dunphy hasn't thought before he's spoken

Darragh Murphy

After Ireland’s decisive victory over the U.S.A. on Tuesday, Eamon Dunphy singled out Anthony Pilkington for particular praise.

One small flaw in his glowing words for Pilkington is the fact that Dunphy seems to have completely ignored the fact that the winger hasn’t been a Norwich player for months. He made the move to Cardiff in the summer.

Eamo has had more than his fair share of ill thought out soundbites over the years and here’s a collection of our favourites.

There’s actually not enough room on the internet for them all but hopefully 11 can keep you going. Think of it as one for every player on the field he pretends to know about.

1. Jose Mourinho
There are very few managers who can be spoken of in the arena of truly great managers. Since Ferguson retired, you could probably count them on one hand. You’d have Pep without a doubt. Ancelotti has been at it for years. Van Gaal might make the cut. But you’re crazier than a Torres transfer if you think that The Special One doesn’t belong there. The man has won league titles and domestic cups in England, Spain, Portugal and Italy, two Champions Leagues and a Uefa Cup, but of course ‘The Special Dun’ didn’t rate him.

Chelsea Press Conference

‘We’ll all see through Mourinho. We’ll find out he’s just a Bengal lancer.’

2. Cristiano Ronaldo
The honour of the best player in the world has, for six years, been a toss-up between Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo. At one time though, Eamon Dunphy had no time for the Portuguese who is currently scoring more goals a week than should be allowed by the laws of the game. Dunphy’s a football hipster. If you’re popular, you may not be for him.

Eamon Dunphy 17/5/2012

‘Ronaldo is a disgrace to the game. His petulance, temperament, throwing himself on the ground. It was a disgrace to professional football. This fella Ronaldo is a cod.’

3. John Fitzpatrick
Fair enough, bit of a drop-off from the first two names on this list but this highlights the fact that sometimes Dunphy will just flat-out lie.Back in 2002, Dunphy was attempting to paint an image of John Giles as a hypocrite after anticipating some harsh words from his punditry soulmate about Roy Keane’s infamous tackle on Alf-Inge Haaland.

He said: “John Giles broke the leg of a friend of mine called John Fitzpatrick who was playing for Manchester United and John never played the game again. Now, 20 minutes before he broke John Fitzpatrick’s leg, John Giles had told his brother-in-law Nobby Stiles, who was a colleague of John Fitzpatrick’s, that he would break his leg if he didn’t stop irritating him or doing whatever he was doing.”

A lovely story, clear and concise, that falls down with the pesky fact that John Fitzpatrick never broke his leg.

John Giles cleared this up by saying: “No, that’s totally untrue. First of all, it was John Fitzpatrick who said he was going to ‘do’ me before the game. Second of all, John Fitzpatrick never broke his leg and I certainly never broke his leg. John Fitzpatrick had damaged ligaments and didn’t come off during the match. He played the rest of the game but eventually he did finish with damaged ligaments of the knee. I never broke John Fitzpatrick’s leg and I am very surprised Eamon would say that. First of all, you have to get your facts right. I will plead guilty to a lot of things and I have done so in the past and that is just not true.”

Oh, Eamon.

Eamon Dunphy 15/12/2008

4. Worst Brazil team ever
Fair enough, Brazil didn’t reach the lofty standards that were expected of them going into the World Cup on their home turf but Eamon Dunphy leapt to the conclusion that they were the worst Brazil team of all time. A team that included Neymar, Willian and Thiago Silva did not take Eamon’s fancy. What chance does our beloved Glenn Whelan stand if he’s slating Oscar?

5. Found out
Steven Gerrard will more than likely go down as the greatest Liverpool player of all time. That’s no mean feat considering he’s up against the likes of Ian Rush, Kenny Dalglish and Robbie Fowler. But ol’ crankypants saw ‘nothing’ in the midfielder.

Liverpool v Chelsea - Premier League

‘Found out! A nothing player.’

6. Spain shame for poor old Eam
He’ll never be found guilty of over-researching. Eamo was attempting to make a salient point about the Spanish players sending a political message about Catalonia by refusing to sing their national anthem when, in fact, Marcha Real has no lyrics.

‘When the national anthem was being played, no Spanish players sang it!’

7. Dead or alive
Sometimes it’s easy to mix up whether or not somebody’s alive or dead, right? When the panel were discussing the notion of interim managers, Jimmy Armfield came up in a conversation that went something like this:

Dunphy: At Leeds back in the 70s, now John will know more about this than me, Clough got the bullet after a month in charge & Jimmy Armfield came in & did a wonderful job. The late Jimmy Armfield. A marvellous manager, he galvanised the team and brought them to a European Cup final.

Giles: Sorry there Eamon, but Jimmy’s still alive.

Dunphy: I told you John knew more about it than me.

He truly is the gift that keeps on giving.

8. Michel Platini
As we know from Dunphy’s thoughts on Ronaldo, a Ballon d’Or is no reason to be tricked into thinking someone’s a good footballer. Michel Platini won the honour three years running (1983, 1984 and 1985) but Eamo still never rated him. Tough crowd Michel.

‘Michel Platini has no bottle. He is not a great player.’

9. Scotsmen
I will never not laugh at this outrageous little number that came when Dunphy was asked about the feud between Gordon Strachan and Alex Ferguson.

Eamon: Scots, they’re either nice or they’re horrid and these two are horrid.

Bill: The Scots wont like that Eamon, that’s bordering on racism.”

Eamon: It’s not racism, its ethnic criticism Bill.

UEFA Champions League - Celtic v Manchester United

10. Manchester United
No club has felt the flailing wrath of Dunph more than United over the decades. We all know the Old Trafford club has lost its lustre in recent times but Eamon was giving out stink about them before it was cool to do it. Footballing hipster, I’m telling ya.

Just before United recorded a 7-1 victory over Roma in 2007, Dunphy offered up this tidbit.

‘O’Shea not good enough, Ferdinand and Brown dodgy, Ronaldo a puff ball, Fletcher and Carrick nothing players, Rooney has never done it on the big stage.’

Seven goals shut him right up. Oh wait, nothing ever will.

11. Joke-im Loew
John O’Shea’s swinging right foot capped a historic night for Irish football as Martin O’Neill’s men secured a massive point away to the world champions. Or as Eamon Dunphy saw it – ‘Knock knock!’. The controversial curmudgeon branded the team selection a ‘joke’ and claimed that Ireland only started playing in the dying minutes of the match. We all know that he’s partial to giving out for giving out’s sake but he’s entering Grinch-mode at this stage.


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