Search icon


05th Jun 2018

Every step the English hype train is about to take ahead of the World Cup

Conan Doherty

This time, it’s definitely different.

Look, we know you heard before that they were going to win the Euros and it didn’t pan out and that it might just have been English hype but this is completely different.

The impressive 3-2 win over Germany in Berlin in back in March of 2016 was a timely refuel of the country’s hopes after several years of Roy Hodgson’s sterling efforts to crush any modicum of excitement around the team.

But, despite another miserable campaign, the English – much like ourselves to be honest (remember the Rugby World Cup?) – can’t build up to a tournament without hyping themselves to the hilt.

England teams can’t escape the hype. And here are the stages that gets rattled through on a biennial basis.

1. England have a bad tournament.

2. England need an English manager.

With passion.


England need a foreign manager.

And something about technical football.

Switch these as necessary after every flip-flop.

3. But England don’t have the technical quality.

4. England need a grass roots investigation.

5. But England also need a scapegoat.


6. England have a self-evaluation of their own mentality.

7. England turn on the golden generation.

8. England need to look to the future.

Daily Mail

The Mail almost got it right in 2007.

9. England realise they already have the future sorted.

Forget about that grass roots investigation.

10. An uncapped England player bolts from nowhere.

11. England walk through their qualifying group.

12. England win a friendly.

The Sun

The Sun, 2005.

13. Something about technical football but England have that now.

It’s different to the last time.

14. Not that anyone’s getting carried away…

15. F**k it, England can win the whole thing.

16. England lose a friendly.

17. The hype around England has already embedded in though.

18. England have a bad tournament.

19. Something about technical football.

20. England need an English manager.


England need a foreign manager.

WATCH: Liverpool BOTTLED the title race 🤬 | Who will win the Premier League?