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22nd May 2018

Arsenal couldn’t have timed Santi Cazorla announcement much worse

Jesus, lads

Ben Kiely

Santi Cazorla

You know that cliched scene where the line ‘Well at least it couldn’t get any worse?’ precedes a clap of thunder and a deluge? That’s a bit like what Arsenal fans are going through at the moment.

Except, in the case of Arsenal fans, it’s not precipitation that’s falling down on top of them. It feels like the closet has been opened and all that shit they’ve been hoarding has started spilling out. They’re being hit square in the face with things like crudely-crafted ‘Wenger Out’ signs, dodgy bits of Abou Diaby’s dodgy appendages and Marouane Chamakh’s Shetland Pony-esque hairdo.

The Murphy’s Law effect at that Emirates has reached comical levels. No matter how much bad news they’re given, more is lurking around the corner. While they say the best thing to do in these situations is to laugh, fans of other, less crisis-ridden clubs are doing plenty of that at the Gooners’ expense.

Firstly, the announcement of Unai Emery as Arsene Wenger’s successor put a lot of fans in a funk. Any potential excitement or joy that could have been extracted from the news was ended by Piers Morgan giving the appointment his seal of approval. Anyone who was on the fence fell down on the disapproving side once that twerp from Britain’s Got Talent gave it a big, sweaty thumbs up.

Then there was that horse shit of the ‘new number one’ announcement.  The club cruelly teased fans on social media over a new shot-stopper, but it turned out to be a cruel way of announcing Petr Cech (you know that guy who ain’t what he used to be? Yeah, him.  would actually be sporting the no. 1 shirt next campaign instead of the no. 33 he had been wearing.

The final (wishful thinking) crushing blow was the announcement of a fan-favourite’s departure. After six years at the club, the Spanish magician left the club after coming to the end of his deal. The man who scored that incredible free kick in the 2014 FA Cup final, the same man who hasn’t featured since doing his Achilles in October 2016, is gone.

That’s all a bit much for Arsenal fans to take right now.

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