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You wake up in your mansion and fancy some breakfast. Which option do you choose?

You visit Heston Blumenthal's new restaurant and order a reconstructed boiled egg

McMuffin. It's cheap, you're in a rush, and all the food types are covered

The same extravagant yet underwhelming breakfast you've had for years

Muesli and fruit. It's a slow burner so you'll have plenty of energy later

You um and ah for so long that you end up missing breakfast

You swan into a fancy restaurant and order everything on the menu

Correct!

Wrong!

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You fancy listening to some music on the way to training. What banger are you going for?

A Milli - Lil’ Wayne

The Debt I Owe - Lou Reed

Stand by Your Man - Tammy Wynette

99 Luftballons - Nena

London Calling - The Clash

Champagne Supernova - Oasis

Correct!

Wrong!

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You decide to buy your lovely partner an impromptu gift. What do you get them?

You buy whatever Kia Joorabchian suggests you buy

A diamond ring, because you can only express your love through money

You swap a new thing for an old thing in a Turin pawn shop

You promise to buy them a diamond ring but never do

You send an industrial sized skip to their greatest enemy

A diamond-encrusted thesis on why UEFA are corrupt

Correct!

Wrong!

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On a whim, you decide to go for a haircut. What style do you ask for?

Shave it all off. Completely bald.

Dear barber, are you familiar with a 'ketwig'?

Blonde highlights all over the shop. Shaved sides. Party boy special

Just the densest haircut possible. Pitch black. No scalp visible

A cheap toupee to mask bigger problems underneath

Just an expensive mess from top to bottom - as per usual

Correct!

Wrong!

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You decide to wind down with a movie. What do you plump for?

2001: A Space Odyssey - you think Kubrick is a genius who reinvented cinema

Titanic - you actually find disastrous situations strangely comforting

Uncut Gems - the story of someone still pretending to be relevant whilst massively in debt

The entire Fast and Furious franchise - because gradual decline is what you're used to

Parasite - Bong Joon-ho is a master at leading an ensemble to international glory

CATS - it's fun to watch expensive egos not quite gel

Correct!

Wrong!

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You fancy some new additions to your wardrobe. Where are you buying your fresh garms?

Get your personal dresser to buy them - unlimited budget

Pretty Green, Fred Perry, Stone Island - spending lots of money to look mad for it

UNIQLO - it's smart, modern and reasonably priced

Zara - it looks very nice but doesn't fit properly

H&M - you're working on a strict budget and it does the job

eBay - buy snide fakes and pretend they're real

Correct!

Wrong!

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You've got various options for how to enjoy your evening. What do you choose?

Spend the night consumed in bickering and internal politics

Argue about whether it's a barm or muffin or ginnel

Call Tories on the internet a 'nonce'

Watch tapes of previous matches and analyse every last detail

Go off and party in a castle somewhere with your teammates

Argue with fans of your own club really loudly on YouTube

Correct!

Wrong!

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What's your favourite colour?

White

Red

Green

Blue

You decide to choose més que un colour

Correct!

Wrong!

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What is your greatest fear?

Your president staying in power forever

Male pattern baldness

Your own fans embarrassing you on social media

David de Gea's goalkeeping

Margaret Thatcher coming back as a zombie

The oil in Qatar running dry

Correct!

Wrong!

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